SPRAGGETT ON CHESS
CFC PRESIDENTS IN A NUTSHELL
ERIC VAN DUSEN
(We did not realize that by ‘communication’ Eric really meant ‘telepathy while sleeping’)
(”The force is with me…so fuck off!”)
(”Read my lips: it was all Thorvardson and I knew nothing! Honestly.”)
Remember him? (How could you forget!)
Working things out…
No bark and all image…
(WITH TRILLIUM, THE NEIGHBOUR’S CAT)
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both mark their territory.
Neither tells you what’s bothering them.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither understands what you see in cats.
The CFC in the process of re-structuring…
HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.
Dogs admit when they’re jealous.
Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).
You can train a dog.
Dogs are easy to buy for.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s a vaccine for it and you can kill the one that gives it to you).
Dogs understand what “no” means.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN
A dog’s parents will never visit you.
A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
A dog never expects you to telephone.
A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog.
A dog never expects flowers on Valentine’s Day.
The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
A dog does not shop.
SPRAGGETT ON CHESS