Some laughs and insight into the meaning of life
SPRAGGETT ON LIFE
PHILOSOPHY OF RELATIONSHIPS 101
(PART ONE)
………………………………………………………………………….
(PART TWO)
The things men do for the love of golf…
Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following conversation took place:
First Guy: ‘You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.’
Second Guy: ‘That’s nothing; I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool.’
Third Guy: ‘Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her.’
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him, ‘You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?’
Fourth guy: ‘I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it went off, I gave the wife a slap on the arse and said: ‘Golf course or intercourse?’ She said: ‘Wear sun-block.’
Thx CM!
………………………………………………………………………………….
………………………………………………………………………………..HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN FROM IRELAND
A teacher was testing children in her Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.
She asked them, ‘If I sold my house and my car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?
”NO!’ the children answered.
‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, the answer was ‘No!’
By now the teacher was starting to smile.‘Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweeties to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’
Again, they all answered ‘No!’.
She was just bursting with pride for them and continued, ‘Then how can I get into heaven?’
A six year-old boy shouted out ” YUV GOTTA BE FuKiNg DEAD……….”
Thx RW!
THE INDISCRETE TATTOO
Charlie gets home late one night and, Kitty, his wife says, ‘Where in the hell have you been?’
Charlie replies, ‘I was out getting a tattoo.’
‘A tattoo?’ she frowned. ‘What kind of tattoo did you get?
”I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,’ he said proudly.
‘What the hell were you thinking?’ she said, shaking her head in disgust.‘Why on earth would a retired person get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?’
‘Well, I did it for four reasons.
One, I like to watch my money grow
Two, once in a while I like to play with my money.
Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.”
Charlie is recovering in room 233 at the local hospital.
Thx GD!