Today’s laughs
SPRAGGETT ON CHESS
THE NEWFIE CHRISTENING
Patrick’s pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.
Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, ‘Ma’am, you had twins … a boy and a girl. The babies are fine, however, they were poorly at birth, and had to be christened immediately so your brother Patrick came in and named them.”
The woman thinks to herself, ‘ Oh suffering Jesus, no, not me brother, he’s a clueless idiot …
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor,‘ Well, what’s my daughter’s name?
‘Denise’ says the doctor.
The new mother is somewhat relieved, ‘Wow, that’s a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother’, she thought …‘I really like Denise ‘
Then she asks, ‘ What’s the boy’s name?’
The doctor replies ‘ Denephew ‘
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SCOTTISH BLOOD
An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for open heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store several pints of his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare AB negative blood type, it couldn’t be found locally, so the call went out to numerous hospitals and citizens, even in other countries.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had the same blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a new BMW, several brilliantly-cut top grade diamonds and $10,000 US dollars as appreciation for giving his blood.
A couple of months later, once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the same Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a jar of assorted candies.
The Scotsman was shocked that this time the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and said to him: “I thought you would be very generous again, that you would give me another nice car, gemstones and cash money, but you merely sent a thank-you card and a jar of candy.”
To this the Arab replied: “Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in me veins”.
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SPRAGGETT ON CHESS