Today’s laughs

by kevinspraggettonchess · March 21, 2010

SPRAGGETT ON CHESS

”Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace.” Oscar Wilde

FATHER’S TRIP TO THE MALL:

I took my father to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue.My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough,hesarcastically asked, ‘What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?’Knowingmy Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.‘Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son’

(thx, Phylis!)

THE SECRET FOR STAYING YOUTHFUL:

A doctor on his morning walk, noticed this older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?””I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, and don’t exercise at all.””That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?””Twenty-four,” she replied.