SPRAGGETT ON CHESS
NEW BODY SCANNERS ARE NOT ALL THEY ARE MADE OUT TO BE!
SEEN RECENTLY AT A SHOPPING MALL….
YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF…
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.
IT’S TIGER TIME!
1. When I was born, I was given a choice – A big dick or a good memory. I don’t remember what I chose.
2. A birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feelings.’
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, ‘Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men still sleep with their wives.
SPRAGGETT ON CHESS